A TEXT

21-Jan-2008 6:15pm

“WAT WIL HAPPEN TO ME, IF I DECIDE TO MARRY ____?”

anak ng…

waaaaaaaaaaah…

what will you say if the one texting you this eh TRIP MO RING PAKASALAN?

tae, nataranta ako bigla…

FREEZE!!!

but then i have to tell what i really feel kahit huli na and i think kelangan niyang malinawan sa issue na ito… AFTER ALL HE’S STILL A FRIEND AND I THINK, MY OPINION MATTERS TO HIM THAT MUCH PARA ITANONG NIYA ‘TO SA AKIN. MALAY BA NIYA!!!

wahahahahahhahahhahahaha!!!

TEXTBACK:

21-Jan-2008 6:23pm

“MASASAKTAN AKOPERO MAGIGING MASAYA KA(dito parang gustong bumaliktad ng sikmura ko at magsuka nang magsuka sa too much tension of me telling him this)KUNG BUO HEART MO ABOUT IT DEN DPT UL B HAPPY PO(smiley pero parang gusto kong manapak! hahahaha!)ND IL SUPPORT UWAAAH.NAH,BSTA FOLLOW UR HEART ___.WAVYU PO.”

HIM:

“HEHEHE, MADAMI ATA MALULUNGKOT PAG NAG-ASAWA AKO, HAHAHA!”

ME:

“YABANG NI2.BT YESATUNGAL SA AKIN.WAHAHA.GRRR.SO WEN KAU DECIDE TO GET MARRY.U NID HELP?HAHA.NKDROGA AKO NUN.WAHAHA.I MIN PG ASSIST AKO 4 D PREP NG KASAL” (actually ang gusto kong sabihin sa huling line ko dito eh — “lalagyan ko ng mga pakong me rust ‘yung dadaanan niyang isle “)

HIM:

“HAHAHA D NOH LA P SA PLANO KO MAGPAKASAL”

WAAAAAAAAAAH…

PAKTAY!

‘di ko na mababawi. naamin ko na ‘di ba? ahhm, sa totoo lang obvious naman talaga na me gusto ako sa kanya. eh kasi nipapakita ko naman at nipaparamdam. ganun ako eh. i am so transparent sa nararamdaman ko. ‘di ako marunong magtago. pero ‘di ko pa nasasabi ng harapan.

it’s been my rule eversince, to tell someone kung type ko ‘yung tao. pero mas trip ko pag harapan kasi mas gusto ko nakikita reaksyon nung inaaminan ko. why? ewan. maybe, somehow, it gives me something eh. i don’t know. i mean, pwede kong mabasa kung me pag-asa o wala. hahaha!!!

and this time, paktay! super kapa ako to the maxx!!! feeling ko nasa madilim na madilim ako na tunnel and i don’t really know what to do! actually, parang gusto ko na lang magpalamon muna sa dilim. parang feeling ko safe ako dun sa mga oras na ‘to!

but then me isang matinding textback siya na NAGPALITO LALO SA AKIN?

HIM:

“UHUM D NAMAN AKO ANG TYPE MO EH”

waaaaaaaaaah…

ano daw???

hay, ewan.

hahahahahahahahahahahahha.

BANG!

single mother
will never get involved with married men
tried saving a relationship para sa anak but failed
struggled to look for a job for so long she thought she’ll never survived it but she did
wants a kilig factor in her life
met her high school crush but she found out he’s married and has 3 children
they dated
no sex
just kiss
his high school’s crush wife was away that’s why all the attention was hers
woman instinct — the wife decided to join the husband here in manila
everything stopped
no texts
no calls
she was so in love with him
tried texting him — no reply
tried calling him — rejected
she cried like hell
after a month or so — he’s back again
texts
no calls though
ooopppsss, no calls on weekends — exclusively wifeys days
she can only have his texts during weekdays — when the married man is in the office
in her mind — she desperately wants to make love with him but she’s scared — HER CONSCIENCE is her saviour all the time
takot siya sa KARMA
RESOLUTION: will change her number and will never contact HIM again

desperada 2

single
never wants and never will get involved with married and men with gf’s
exploring sexually and men will be her focus this year
a flirt
never scared to tell if she’s in love or into the guy — though she’s lessen being like this for she think it’s one factor why she’s pushing the guys away
she usually falls in love with her guy friends and gets rejected most of the time
misunderstood with her pagiging malambing in GENERAL
she really wants to be pursued for her to commit — it’s her gauge if the guy’s really into him
she’s tried to fall for men who’ve showed love and who have fallen in love with her — but chose not to fool herself and those men
she’ll always follow her heart no matter what but tries to weigh things — if it will hurt a lot of people she’ll have second thoughts — BUT DEFINITELY SHE’LL GO FOR WHAT WILL MAKE HER HAPPY… after all she believes in this saying — BUNTOT MO, HILA MO!!! meaning, KUNG IKAW AY ME GAGAWING DESISYON, IKAW RIN ANG MAKAKARANAS SA KALALABASAN NUN!
met a younger guy
he’s involved — me gf
friendship was all he and she wants
but then she learned that the guy likes her
she was cool with it
he text her like crazy
his sweetness was addicting even if it was just through texts
she thought he constantly thinks of her — for he consistently reminds her of a lot of things everyday — FROM HER WAKING UP TO BEDTIME
she started feeling the kilig and wants it to continue
but the guy’s involvement to another woman is her reminder that it has to stop
she felt awkward
she’s so scared of KARMA
she imagined herself in the GIRLFRIEND’S shoes
she didn’t liked it
she told him about it
she told him to stop and lay low texting
he doens’t want it but respected what she wants
he cried
she cried
RESOLUTION: stop the flirting. BE FRIENDS. SOLID FRIENDS.

desperada 3

she’s happily married
a working mom and wife
has 1 kid
she’s so bored
she wants to fight with him — for she thinks that after every fight LAMBINGAN blues to the maxx at ‘yun ang namimiss at gusto niya
she has a very understanding husband — his patience — ultimate
she saw a dubious text on his celfon and they’ve fought over it — dinurog ng asawa niya yung cellphone and until now wala ng cellphone ang asawa niya at wala ng balak na magkacellphone pa
she believes in the saying that — “WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW, WON’T HURT YOU!” kaya wag na wag magpapahuli ang asawa niya sa kanya
she’s so focused with her kid and her motherhood — she enjoys it so much
she wants another kid — nakunan na siya and she really got depressed but was able to recover — iba ang may loving husband sabi niya
RESOLUTION: will be happy for and contented with what she has right now. ika nga — “BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!”

desperada 4

single
still a virgin
very conservative
naive
her heart was broken once — recovered but then after that, for some odd reason or what — she never had another relationship
she met a woman
she got involved with her — 5 years na sila
her family accepted it — her friends accepted it
met a guy
he likes her
she likes him — all of a sudden her life’s never hers again
she wants to have a kid
she wants it with him — but her woman lover doesn’t want it to be him — ok lang daw sa iba wag lang sa kanya
she’s now undecided with having a kid with the guy
she’s scared of what the society will think about her — her family — her friends — her co-workers
she feels like parang magiging pokpok siya pag ginawa niya yun
she’s so SELFLESS
she’s so scared to make love for the first time baka masakit daw
RESOLUTION: she will only do it kung buo sa puso niya at sa loob niya! dun wala nang atrasan!

when was the last time i saw somebody broke down in tears because he or she is brokenhearted?

hmmm, matagal na rin. ten years ago ba or nine. his pain was all over the street. eh, sa fuji apple niya itinuon ang galit niya eh. pinagbabato niya ‘yung binili niyang fuji apple sa kalsada. kumusta naman, durog-durog na mansanas ang kumalat sa isa sa mga daan sa sikatuna village. yep, the apples that were suppose to be given to the person who loves fuji apples and whom my friend thought loves him back, eh di na makukuha yung apples kasi daw ‘MERONG BISITANG IBA’. in short, ‘di pwedeng pumunta yung friend ko sa bahay nung taong mahal niya. araaaaaaaaaaaay!!! HIRAP TALAGANG MAG-ASSUME MINSAN NOH… GRRRRRRRR!!!

ok, sa ibang wento naman tayo…

yesterday, i did saw another version of breaking down in tears dahil na naman sa love. pero wala nga lang apple. this time puro celphone conversation lang. hanging up and nagging to the nines. waaaaaaaaaaah. mahirap din pala pag nagiging witness ka ng ganung scenario and naririnig mo ‘yung pagtatalo. ‘yung iba nakakatawa. ‘yung iba sobrang immaturely said na or minsan goes out of their hands na parang nisasabi na lang nila kasi they’re so hurt sa mga word na binibitawan nila sa isa’t isa.

guy yung friend ko. we were in a cab kasi we’re on our way to a raket sana. coding kami pareho eh. and maya’t maya nga ang ring ng telepono niya. i usually see him so well groomed and so good looking. pero today, sobrang wala siyang kaayos-ayos and you can see in his eyes the stress and weariness na nararamdaman niya inside. and i can’t help but just give him my sympathy and cheer him up a little. pero alam mo naman na kahit anong kabaliwan ang ipakita mo sa isang taong nasasaktan eh narereject kadalasan.

mag-11 months na silang together. pero ang masakit kasi, yung guy friend ko found out that her girl was seeing another guy. and yep, he decided to end the relationship. the funny thing is, ayaw nung girl at nagmamatigas at nangungulit na ayaw niyang makipaghiwalay sa kanya. so ang siste, balikan ulit. yes, yes, yes — LOVE KASI NUNG GUY FRIEND KO ‘YUNG GIRLALOO. but during this balikan drama, me weird na mga ginagawa ‘yung girl. sa umpisa daw eh ok na ok sila. sweet na sweet. but out of nowhere, the girl would just flare up in anger na ‘di raw niya malaman saan nanggagaling. this is just one of the kakaibang bagay na ‘di maintindihan nung guy friend ko. hay. oh, well, i think mahirap talaga rin sigurong i-handle ang isang 20 year old girlfriend. exploring pa and yeah, medyo ‘di pa responsible siguro sa mga desisyon na binibitiwan or ginagawa niya. or maybe, she’s a troubled girl din. madami rin naman kasing pinanggagalingan ang mga kakaibang ugali natin eh.

pero, ang ‘DI KO LANG TALAGA GUSTO SA GINAGAWA NUNG GIRL SA GUY FRIEND KO — eh ‘yung parang pinaglalaruan niya yung nararamdaman nung friend ko. na parang ganito ang sistema eh. ANG FRIEND KO AY PARA NIYANG FAVORITE NA SHIRT. IHAHANGER NIYA LANG SA CABINET NIYA. TAPOS PAG GUSTO NIYANG ISUOT — FIT NIYA LANG PERO BALIK ULIT SA CABINET THEN HANAP SIYA NG IBANG OUTFIT. she’s holding my friend sa leeg. and i can see na alam kasi nung girl na mahal na mahal siya nung friend ko. eh kasi ‘di naman siguro lalakas ang loob niya to just hang my friend sa ere kung hindi ‘di ba? hay, i don’t like this kind of character talaga. napaka-SELFISH. waaaaaaaaah. wawa ‘yung friend ko.

oo na. me choice ang friend ko. pero me choice ka ba pag heart na nagdemand??? wala. wag kang epal diyan. all of us know kung gaano katindi ang kapangyarihan ng love. nawawala ka sa katinuan. nawawala ang iyong katalinuhan. nawawala ang iyong pagkatao. you really surrender everything to your heart eh. tae. pero ganun talaga ang love.

heniweys, i thought kakayanin ng friend ko ang nangyayari sa kanya that day. pero, deym, sobrang kitang-kita lalo sa kanya ang devastation and hurt. tulala. eh ang prob, we have to be in our bestest mood and energy para sa trabahong gagawin namin. we were waiting for the program to start. hugged him para lang maramdaman niyang whatever he’s feeling eh kasama naman ako para magpaluwag nun at yung isa ko pang friend na kasama rin namin sa raket na ‘yun. harrrrrrrrrrr. pero parang mali ata ‘yung paghug namin sa kanya. BIGLA NA LANG SIYANG YUMUKO AT UMIYAK NANG UMIYAK. well, silently. and his tears, we’re flowing nang walang tigil na. waaaaaaaaah. i couldn’t bear to see him sa ganung sitwasyon. and horror, ‘di lang sa harap namin. me iba pang mga taong nakakakita sa kanya. tae, ang sakit-sakit. pati ako naiiyak na rin. grrrrrrrrrrrr. and i really, want to punch her X’s fudging face nung mga oras na ‘yun at ingudngud ‘yung pagmumukha nun sa magspang na floor. harrrrrr… hahahahahahahahaha… ang bayolente ko…

parang deym, this girl is really letting go of a gem. i mean, panalo kasi ‘yung love na meron ‘tong guy friend ko sa girl. tae. i was telling him, na you’re better off without her. ito pa pala, at ito sobrang grabe na talaga. NABANGGA SILA DAHIL SA SOBRANG KAWALANG KONTROL NI GIRL. bigla na lang niya kinabig ‘yung manibela nung sasakyang ng friend ko. eh ‘di BANGGA-ERS to the maxx. pero ang wento ng friend ko sa mom niya — SIYA DAW ANG ME KASALANAN. kumusta namaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!! what you DO FOR LOOOOOOOOOOOVE!!!

pero in fairness to my friend, nakayanan niyang matapos ang program na ok naman ang performance. yun nga lang kita ‘yung sadness sa kanyang mga mata. pero ‘di pa pala tapos ang work niya. he has to go out-of-town for another raket. hay. eh ‘di kaya siya okey. pero, naisip ko rin — mas maganda ng meron siyang work kesa wala. para maging busy siya. hay. then i got a text — “MAY MALI BA AKONG GINAWA?” waaaaaaah. nakupo, dapat ata me kasama itong friend ko. grrrrrrr, what do you say pag ganito ang tanong? basta i just followed what my heart said. sabi ko — POK, ‘DI NATIN KONTROLADO ANG MGA BAGAY-BAGAY. WHAT I KNOW IS NAGMAHAL KA. ‘YUN ANG TAMA. siguro me pagkukulang ka rin. pero sa sitwasyon n’yo at sa ginawa ng x mo, i think mas malaki ang pagkakamali na ginawa niya para sa relasyon n’yo!

then, i called him up.

me: “oh, musta na?”
him: “ang hirap. nalilito kasi ako sa kanya eh. galit-bati eh.”

me: “basta pok, follow your heart. ako, kung saan mo feel at saan ka magiging masaya suportahan ta ka. if you still want her – go. pero alam mo na consequence nun siyempre.”
him: “eh syempre kelangan niyang sabihin ang totoo. ‘di naman ako papayag na ‘di niya sabihin ang totoo.”

me: “hmm, pag sinabi ba niya totoo eh matatahimik ka na? and you’ll have her back?”
him: “ewan ko. basta now, ang gusto ko lang malaman ang totoo.”

me: “tama ka naman. pero man, basta pag nagdecide kaw dapat buo ka sa desisyon mo para walang regret-an sa huli. kaya ‘yan!”
him: “thanks pow.”

p.s.
received a text last night mula sa isa sa mga bossing nung niraketan namin

“ms. love gud evening. i heard that you had a blast this afternoon dun sa program. sorry i wasn’t there. m with ______ (my friend) right now. and me prob pala siya. trying to cheer him up.”

me: “oh, thank GOD at me kasama siya diyan. please do. ingat po kayo.”

tulog na. ay party pala ako with my batchmates. hahahahahahahahahaha!
3 liters of franzia red wine for three girls — PLAKDA.

me: hello.
friend: dito kami hospital. wala na siya.

me: anong wala na?
friend: patay na love. patay na ‘yung brother in arman.

me: what do you mean? tinanggal na ‘yung mga machine sa katawan niya? or kusa nang bumigay ‘yung bata?
friend: bumigay na.

16 years old.

so young.

there’s so much ahead of him but he decided to take his life by drinking something that he thought will end his agony and pain.

he was brought to the hospital. was in a coma.

i tried calling his brother who’s a close friend since college. ring lang nang ring ‘yung phone. i guess, ‘di pa siya ready to talk to anybody. i learned though from another friend that the suicide was caused by a love’s dumping him and leaving him for another man.

yesterday, i was able to talk to my friend. i can feel from his voice alone ‘yung hirap at sakit at takot na nararamdaman niya for his little brother. feeling niya may kasalanan siya sa nangyari. that he wasn’t paying attention to his brother’s need. sana… sana… sana… i guess, i can’t blame him for feeling that way. feeling ko baka ganun din maramdaman ko kung ako man yung nasa posisyon niya.

i don’t really know what to tell him. pero kelangan niyang magkaroon ng lakas ng loob. tried telling him to be strong and really pray. ang prob pa pala, dapat siyang magdecide kung tatanggalin ba ‘yung mga gadget na nakakabit sa kapatid niya kasi sobrang hopeless na raw ‘yung case ng bro niya. because he’s the eldest, and because, his dad passed away just recently — hay, kabigat — wala na siyang choice kundi ang tanggapin na siya na talaga ang magdedecide para sa buhay ng kapatid niya. ‘DI KO ‘TO NGA KAKAYANIN kung ako ang nasa kalagayan niya.

sabi ko, “pag nagpray ka — sundin mo lang kung ano ‘yung unang pumasok na solusyon sa isip mo. baka ‘yun ang gustong sabihin ni LORD sayo. and please, don’t blame yourself about everything na nangyayari sa family mo. i know, how good you are as a brother and as an anak. you can only do so much. ‘di mo kontrolado ang buhay.” — siguro dali sabihin for me noh, pero siyempre mahiraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap sa kanya ang desisyon na gagawin niya. and i can hear him sob sa kabilang linya. ay, terible. bigat.

i will be going there tomorrow. i texted some of our closest friends. ngayon pa lang, alam kong isang mabigat na sandali ang madadatnan namin doon. pero alam kong mas mabigat and dinadalang pakiramdam ng kaibigan namin. sana lang, by being there we’ll be able to ease kahit konti lang nung bigat na nararamdaman niya.

CRISPIN — MAY YOU REST IN PEACE!

PLEASE GUYS, HELP ME PRAY FOR HIS SOUL.

god bless us all.

his name is lance…

i don’t really know…

he’s my sister’s second baby…

she delivered her to life in our public utility jeepney…

they’ll be with me until the 15th…

as i am typing this…

their position in this picture is still the same position that i am seeing at this moment…

oh, i took this shot a couple of minutes ago…

so cute…

actually, his actual position before i took this picture was — him lying sound asleep beside my sis LEANIE, i call her ning…

then suddenly he opened her cute lil eyes…

get up…

looked back and saw his mother sleeping…

he automatically put his head on his mama’s belly…

now, he’s comfortably sleeping again…

the funny thing though was this…

i was there…

i was just 20 inches away from them…

but for some weird reason…

he didn’t notice me at all…

i was wondering if he was half awake or was he still sleeping…

or is it an instinct for a baby this age to just feel his moms presence and when he feels it — comfort zone…

oh i guess, all his eyes and attention is strictly for his NANAY only… or am i just assuming, i don’t really know…

when i saw that gesture though –

my imagination took me somewhere else…

ME IN THAT SAME POSITION AS MY SISTERS’…

will my future son or daughter do the same thing as this child did to her mom today?

it made me smile…

and then, goosebumps at the same time…

i have heard different and variety of stories from mothers — their struggles, their joys, their great pride of being able to take care of their children or child…

that pure love they’re pouring to their kids and become witnesses as how these kids grew up so fast and yeah, take charge of their own life…

some women will give up their careers and be a full time mother…

some will even cry as they share things about their children — how these kids melt their stresses away… “LOVE, HUG LANG FROM THEM, I’LL BE ENERGIZED…”

some will sigh and just smile of how kulit their kids are… “MAWAWALA PAGOD MO TO THE POINT NA MAKIKIPAGLARO KA PA SA KANILA!”

and sometimes they don’t even have to say a thing…

you’ll just see from their reaction and beaming faces — the happiness that they’re feeling inside…

the contentment…

i really want to be a mother someday…

and i want to feel what these women are feeling and talking…

the noble world of MOTHERHOOD.

i know i will have my own share of story — and i am looking forward to it…

but here’s the catch though…

i am scared of the pain, the physical pain that giving birth will give me… and of course and this one’s kinda tricky… hahaha! — a man, who’ll share my own excitement of having a kid in the future… hmmm, kumusta naman? pano ‘yun? eh ‘di bahala na… hahahahahahahahahahha!

harrrrrrrrrrrr… hahahahahahahahahahahahha… he’s awake agaiiiiiiiiin… umupo… waaaaaaaaaah… another rejection for me — not… a glance… oh, 10 seconds… and then back to her mom’s belly…

at ito na ang kanilang posisyon…

i am addicted to franzia (red wine) right now…

i have been eating JOLLIBEE CHICKENJOY thigh part for 3 consecutive days already… still loving it though — the skin makes me crazy…

i am, well, don’t know if i am or in denial — but i guess, i am starting to fall for this guy which i am not sure if he’s into me… waaaaaaaaaah… no tears.. deym…

but one thing’s i am so sure of…

I WILL DEFINITELY HAVE A BLASTING 2008!!!